


Things You Didn't Need To Say At 1am

by magicsanta



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: And talking about how much victor loves him, Anxiety Disorder, M/M, Not As Angsty As Advertised, Phichit And Yuuri BFF Fic Disguised As Victuuri Fic, Phichit is the Best Friend, The wedding is never actually called off tbh, basically 1000 plus words of Phichit helping Yuuri through an anxiety attack, tbh post episode 11 vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:33:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicsanta/pseuds/magicsanta
Summary: It is the night before the Wedding Of The Decade, and Yuuri is calling it off.





	

“I’m sorry… What?”

Phichit scrambles to sit up, get to his feet and blink at his best friend. His best friend who has not shut up about Victor Nikiforov’s beautiful hair in all the years they've known each other. His best friend who had been showing Phichit seating plans not 5 hours ago. His best friend who is disgustingly in love. His best friend who has pulled a jumper on over his pyjamas, walked into the living room, shaken Phichit awake, and announced that he is calling off his wedding to his childhood idol with less than ten hours to go.

“I’m sorry.” Yuuri’s voice shakes, his hands shake. Phichit’s not sure if his vision is blurring from shock or if Yuuri is vibrating on the spot. “I’m sorry for- for the inconvenience a-and for the fuss and f-for wasting everyone’s time a-and I- I-I’m sorry to make you fly out here for nothing.” Yuuri’s eyes are watering, and he’s just started to cry when Phichit places a warm, gentle hand on his shoulder. Yuuri had refused to cry in front of anyone before, had always kept tight control until he was alone. Even now Phichit thinks he can only really cry in front of Victor or when things are incredibly bad. Phichit feels anger swelling up in his chest, from sudden paranoia that somebody has hurt his best friend in the whole world. Yuuri looks up from the floor, blinks tearily at him in the dim light of a living room at 1am. The fury in his body must be showing on his face because Yuuri recoils and starts to trip over apologies again. “Sorry Phichit I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Phichit schools his face into a calm, neutral look. Because the last thing Yuuri needs is for him to look intimidating. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He soothes, hand stroking Yuuri’s shoulder gently for a moment. “But tell me. What did he do?” And Phichit doesn’t care if Victor Nikiforov is a living legend. Phichit doesn’t care if he’s a lot older, a lot taller, and could theoretically use his gold medals to bludgeon Phichit to death. He’s skinny, and Phichit is going to kick his ass. 

“Nothing!” Yuuri squeaks immediately. Phichit raises a disbelieving eyebrow.

“Yuuri it’s 1am, you’re crying and you’re calling off the wedding of your dreams.” Phichit holds Yuuri’s hands in his now. “What. Did. He. Do? I know you’re forgiving and I know you don’t want to make a big deal out of anything, but let me murder him.” Yuuri’s crying really bad now, sniffling. Phichit lets go of his hands so Yuuri can wipe at his eyes with his oversized jumper sleeve. It almost feels like he shouldn’t be seeing this. Is Yuuri’s face red from crying or embarrassment at somebody seeing him like this?

“Victor didn’t do anything!” Yuuri insists. “I- I did something it’s only ever been me. He never did anything wrong I’m the one who’s done something awful.”

“I swear to whatever higher power, Yuuri if he convinced you of that-”

“Stop it!” Yuuri hisses at him, or chokes rather. “Stop accusing Victor of such awful things! Stop acting like you don’t know he’s better than that! He would never!” Yuuri looks furious, righteous anger masked by an overflowing well of tears. “Victor would die before he hurt me, I’m the one who’s hurt him.”

Phichit finds that really hard to believe. But he’s also really confused and his sofa-bed had been really warm so he stays quiet and lets Yuuri explain.

“I’m. Keeping him here. With me. I’m going to tie him to me and plates and curtains and room colour schemes!! He misses skating Phichit-kun I know he does and he probably misses his home too and I’m just going to selfishly force him to stay with me because I’m easily upset and he’s too nice!” Yuuri inhales deeply here, exhales, inhales… and then continues before Phichit can interrupt. “He deserves better than to stay with someone out of pity and I-I love him!” These words seem to physically hurt Yuuri. “So I’m going to let him go and enjoy his life.”

Phichit stares at Yuuri for a good five minutes while Yuuri catches his breath, dries his eyes in the aftermath of his rant. Then he sighs.

“I see.”

“I knew you would.”

“You’re an idiot.” Phichit says, and sits down on his sofa-bed with his head in his hands.

“Excuse me?!” Yuuri squeaks at him.

“I’m sorry.” Phichit shakes his head, pats Yuuri’s stomach gently with one hand. “You’re not an idiot that was insensitive of me. You’re a hot anxious mess.”

“Phichit-kun!” Yuuri hisses and sits down beside him. “Don’t you understand? I AM an idiot, an idiot to put my own happiness ahead of logic.”

“Yeah now you’re just putting your happiness AND your logic waaaaaaayyy in the back of a cupboard.” Phichit snorts. “You’re calling off your dream wedding because you’re worried Victor misses ice?” Yuuri nods. “Okay, Yuuri you’re panicking. You’ve had this thought process many times before, you’re panicking and looking for insecurity.”

“I am not panicking.” Yuuri snaps. “Could a panicking person do this?!” He tries to inhale steadily, but it stutters and he sniffs heavily. For a full minute he resolutely does not look at Phichit. During this whole minute Phichit keeps one eyebrow raised, because he really wants Yuuri to see the face he’s making and respond to it. “Okay.” Yuuri says, slightly muffled by his hands before sitting upright. “I am panicking.”

“You want me to talk you through it?” Phichit asks. Yuuri nods. “Alright, but I’m gonna get you a drink first. It’s going to be water, sit here and breathe for a bit.”

Phichit comes back with water and Yuuri takes slow, steady sips. He waits until Yuuri is taking a break from drinking to speak. 

“Victor loves you.” Phichit begins quietly. “Victor thinks the stars are in your eyes and your hands smooth out ice for us to dance on. Yes that’s a weird metaphor bear with me.” Had Yuuri not been in the middle of a Bad Few Hours, Phichit knows that would have made him smile. “Victor is disgustingly in love with you and it’s making Yurio super uncomfortable. He doesn’t pity you, he pities people who aren’t him because you love him.”

“When did you take poetry classes?” Yuuri asks, but Phichit is not going to let Yuuri distract him from this. The frown he gives Yuuri is disapproving but gentle. “Where’s your evidence?” He tries instead.

“You feature on his Instagram as much as Makkachin, are you suggesting he only keeps Makkachin around because he feels sorry for him? No, it’s because he loves Makkachin and he loves you.”

“Are you stalking my fiance’s Instagram?” Yuuri asks incredulously. “Have you literally counted how many times I appear in Victor’s Instagram?” 

“He watches you when you’re not looking and when you’re looking but you think he’s not looking.” Yuuri blushes. “He’s probably sweating in his sleep right now because this is the longest I’ve ever seen him go without touching you.” Yuuri blushes again. 

“I know, I know I’m not blind and I know.” Yuuri sighs, putting his drink down and laying back against the sofa with a heavy sigh. “I know!! I just can’t shake this feeling that he can’t possibly really feel like that. That I DON’T know that. I do know that but what if I don’t-” Yuuri groans and drags his hands across his face. 

“I know.” Phichit says. Really, he deserves the light smack to his shoulder even if he WAS being serious and hadn’t meant to make a joke. “Look, I know something else as well. I know no matter how much Victor misses other thing, he’d miss you a lot more and he knows it.”

Yuuri’s face goes all soft, the way it does whenever he’s thinking really hard about Victor. Anxiety doesn’t flee his face entirely, but it eases off of his features. Clearheaded, to a degree, Yuuri breathes steadily. This is all Phichit needs to smile. Simultaneously, they sink back into the sofa and lounge to savour the relief. 

“If he misses skating so much he can do some performances at Ice Castle.” Phichit tuts, beaming from ear to ear when that coaxes a small smile out of Yuuri. “Maybe you could organize some competitions, open a school? You don’t have to be apart to pursue your passions.” In fact, Yuuri and Victor apart sounds like the stupidest idea Phichit has ever heard.

“See it seems so obvious when someone else says it.” Yuuri says quietly, reaching for his drink to take some more slow sips.

“Hey.” Phichit says, well aware of how easy it is for Yuuri to slip back into blaming himself after a panic attack. “It wasn’t obvious in the moment and that’s not your fault. Besides I’m kind of a genius.” They both snort.

“Yeah, you are.” Yuuri says lazily. From then on they mostly talk in brief comments. 

('I would have died if you'd wasted those great wedding outfits'. 'Honestly Phichit this isn't even the weirdest reaction I've had to this wedding I had an hour long panic attack about which type of flowers to choose last month'. 'So like did Victor ever actually talk Yakov out of walking him down the aisle because I so want a shot of that'.) Other than this, there is no more serious conversation. They sit in comfortable silence for a long time, Phichit fiddling with social media and Yuuri drinking his water, until the clock on Phichit’s phone reads 2.09 am. Then Yuuri sighs. “I kind of miss holding Victor.” Phichit snorts alone this time and Yuuri shoots him a sad look.

“Do you wanna talk to him about this?” Phichit asks. With obvious reluctance, Yuuri nods then makes a pained noise.

“I really do…. But he’s gonna think I’m stupid.” Yuuri whines into his hands before Phichit takes one and pulls him to his feet.

“No he won’t, if he does I’ll kill him in his tux. He’s gonna crush your bones in a hug and we’ll have to hold a hospital wedding.” Phichit soothes, hugging Yuri with one arm.

“I don’t think they allow those.”

“We’ll tell them you’re dying.”

“PHICHIT!”

“Yuuri listen I have one hell of a best man speech and I’m giving it tomorrow even if you get hit by a bus.” Phichit laughs as they walk in the direction of the Victor And Yuuri Room. Yuuri even manages a light chuckle and hugs him back. They whisper now. The family and friends crammed under this roof deserve some sleep.

“I wonder if it’s too late to ask Yuuko to be my Best Woman instead.” Yuuri ponders aloud, his free hand resting under his chin in exaggerated thought. 

“Don’t even joke about that.” Phichit gasps, genuinely feeling his heart seize up at the idea. Yuuri’s giggling again. “Yuuri. Yuuri I’m serious don’t joke about that, this is the most important day of my life.”

“I’m the one getting married!” Yuuri reminds him a little too loudly. They grin at each other. You don’t need words for how important someone is to you after they talk you down from a 1am panic attack. 

“Knew I needed to talk to you before I tried to tell anyone else.” Somehow though, Yuuri still finds the right words.

**Author's Note:**

> Self care is tying your emotional wellbeing to an anime, panicking about it's eleventh episode, then writing almost 2000 words in under an hour when you feel better, editing it in another hour, and publishing it before your anxiety can talk you down from doing it.
> 
> EDIT: The response to this has been super amazing and nice and I'm dying bc I was really anxious about posting it thanks you're all brilliant and I can't thank you properly in AO3 comments. I'm on tumblr under the same username though if you wanna see a creature in its natural habitat. (Also, yes Yakov absolutely insisted, but Yuuri's parents insisted too so the aisle had to be widened by 2 people's width by moving chairs. They both had to walk down the aisle and try not to make eye contact and laugh because that would hurt people's feelings and it's genuinely very sweet so they don't want to do that.)


End file.
